Embracing Interdependence
"For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another" Romans 12:4-5
In her thought-provoking opinion piece, "Forget Independence. Teach your kids this instead," Jennifer Breheny Wallace challenges the prevailing notion that independence should be the ultimate goal in raising our children. She suggests that fostering interdependence should take precedence. Wallace's argument touches upon a fundamental aspect of human existence that resonates deeply with Romans 12 and the writing of Rev. Fleming Rutledge.
Jennifer Breheny Wallace begins her piece by highlighting the modern obsession with independence as a key marker of success in parenting. She writes, “Many parents tend to focus on what we’re told is the ultimate goal of parenting: to raise independent, self-reliant adults. Independence is undoubtedly valuable. It helps our children think for themselves, develop and pursue their passions, and become self-sufficient and capable. Accordingly, American parents tend to value kids for their external achievements — for the things that show their kids will stand out in an increasingly competitive world.”
She argues that this focus on self-sufficiency can be isolating and may contribute to the erosion of empathy and social bonds. Urging parents, Wallace wants to shift the emphasis from fostering independence to promoting interdependence, emphasizing the importance of collaboration, community, and connection, writing, “lasting self-worth cannot come from approval based solely on external rewards, such as trophies, college acceptance letters and fancy job offers. Rather, an understanding of one’s inherent value comes from knowing one’s place in a community — from the sense that others value you and that you add value to others.”
Wallace's argument aligns with the teachings of the apostle Paul in Romans 12. Paul implores the Christian community in Rome to live in harmony and interdependence. He writes, "For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another" (Romans 12:4-5, ESV). Paul emphasizes the interconnectedness of all believers, illustrating the idea that independence should not be the primary focus. Instead, we should embrace our roles as interdependent members of a larger community.
Paul continues in Romans 12:10-13, saying, "Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality." These verses underscore the importance of mutual support, empathy, and care within the Christian community—an embodiment of interdependence.
Rev. Fleming Rutledge also emphasizes the significance of interconnectedness in her work. She posits that Christianity itself is rooted in the idea of a God who seeks relationship and communion with humanity. Rev. Rutledge contends that God's work in the world is fundamentally relational, and it calls us to emulate that divine quality in our lives. In her book, The Crucifixion: Understanding the Death of Jesus Christ, Rutledge explores the crucifixion as an event that embodies the ultimate act of interdependence, where God enters into the depths of human suffering to redeem humanity.
Rutledge's writings align with Wallace's argument that fostering interdependence is essential in raising children. When we shift our focus away from mere independence and instead encourage our children to understand and value their interconnectedness with others, we equip them to live a more compassionate, empathetic, and fulfilled life. Just as God's redemptive act was rooted in relationship and interconnectedness, so too can our efforts to raise children who embrace interdependence lead to a more harmonious and compassionate society.
One way to instill the value of interdependence in our children is through education and community engagement (in the church we call this discipleship and mission). Wallace mentions that schools should prioritize teaching collaboration and empathy. It is as though Wallace read Romans 12:6-8 or was channel Paul because we are members of one body, each with unique talents and gifts. Paul writes, "Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness." (Romans 12:6-8) This passage emphasizes that our individual gifts are meant to complement one another within the community, reinforcing the idea of interdependence. So for the church, teaching, and preaching become the avenue through which we can help children understand the interdependence of our community.
Wallace also touches upon the importance of community service and volunteering as a means to cultivate interdependence. Rev. Rutledge would likely argue that such actions mirror the self-sacrificial love displayed by Christ on the cross. When children actively engage in acts of service and witness the positive impact they can have on others, they begin to understand the profound significance of interconnectedness. Rev. Rutledge would also point out that acts of mission and service are not done merely for the sake of the task or for a child to learn how to be a good person. Acts of service and mission are done as a response to the grace we have received.
Additionally, Wallace's call to prioritize relationships and connection over individual achievement resonates with the idea of the "beloved community" championed by Martin Luther King Jr. King envisioned a society where individuals recognized their interdependence and lived in harmony with one another, irrespective of their differences. This vision aligns with the biblical concept of loving one another with brotherly affection, as emphasized in Romans 12:10.
Jennifer Breheny Wallace's plea to shift our parenting focus from independence to interdependence fits well within the theology established by St. Paul and expanded upon by Rev. Rutledge. Our lives are deeply intertwined with one another, and our pursuit of interdependence can lead to a more compassionate society, and move us closer to the fulfillment of the Kingdom of God. As parents pastors, and educators, we are one part of helping our children understand these values by helping to equip them to embrace interdependence and work towards the Kingdom of God.